Friday, November 9, 2007

I am Batman


Fear not people of my city, for I am the one who protects the innocent from harm, who puts criminals behind bars. Yes... I am Batman!

I'm seriously thinking of wearing my underwear on the outside of my clothes and wearing a cape to work after this week. Lets get a little back history before we delve into my adventures.

The main pharmacy I work at is in the ghetto portion of the city. And by ghetto I mean "I don't have the $1.00 for my son's seizure meds, but I can buy a $5 pack of Marb Reds" kind of neighborhood. I have worked there for three years (as of the 1st) and during my time this is what has occurred.

  1. We have been broken into, by my count, bout 7 or 8 times in three years. It is never drugs taken. Nor cash from the open register drawers. No they always steal just the cigs. Kinda strange when you think about it.
  2. I have confiscated 9 fake $50/$100 bills
  3. I have had to call the police on 9 separate occasions
  4. After sending a fella to jail, had a couple strikes against him already, for passing some fake cash he decided to come visit me after he was released, seeing as all he remembered was my first name. He sat for 15 minutes fiddling in his jacket pocket thanking me for helping him find God and the likes before he finally left. Needless to say I had a few lil streaks in my shorts.
  5. I have witness a woman grab our 70 year old pharmacist by the neck when he refused to dispense her pain medication (she was an abuser)
  6. I have had to throw people out of the store for coming in with guns poking out of their jeans
  7. We have been robbed twice, both times taking someone hostage with a weapon, both times asking for Oxycontin. They were caught the second time however and I had to joy of id'ing them and filing plenty of paperwork for the courts.
  8. During the 2nd robbery attempt they found a car that had been stolen from Chicago in our parking lot (it was unrelated from the robbery)
  9. Recently our manager was caught trying to sell Vicodan (which she stole from our store) to an undercover cop. More paper work for me. Yay
There are numerous other lil incidents I'm forgetting, but needless to say I know most of the cops in the area by first name. I have personally gotten 5 people arrested, probably the most interesting being someone thrown to the ground just outside our front door with a gun to him.

Now back to this week....

Wednesday was merely an ordinary day. Or so I thought. As I arrive I am quickly informed that our pharmacist, when checking on an iffy script of a patient, somehow found out that the guy had a warrant out for his arrest. As soon as he was to arrive we were to detain him and call the police. Well he showed up, I went back to the 'bat phone' (yes we have a red bat phone for emergencies) and dialed 911. As he walked out the front door the police stormed him and he took off like a fat kid after a cake. The cops ended up chasing him for several blocks before he trying OD'ing on the Hydromorphone he just received from us. Luckily for him, but perhaps not for his butthole, he survived.

The excitement for the day was over... or so I thought.

Two weeks prior to this we had taken a Tramadol Rx from a girl. I immediately flagged it and alerted it to the pharmacist. 1) It was a DDS writing for a quantity of 60 which is strange in itself and 2) All she ever got from us was Tramadol, from 4 different stores, all cash. Yet he filled it anyway.

A week later we find out that she had stolen a blank Rx pad from this dentist and was writing out forged prescriptions all over the city. Well, the genius that she is, called in for the refill on her forged script.... 20 minutes after we got the last guy arrested.

We alerted the police, who stated they would have some squads in the area for the next couple hours. It would be the same pharmacist and I from the last time she was there. As she walks in the door I recognize her immediately. The pharmacist does not and actually buys her spiel as she asks questions for her 'kid'. I go back to dial 911 on the 'bat phone' again and after I get off the phone I see she is gone. Turns out she forgot her money.

So the police come and go and I ask them to wait around because she said she'd be back shortly. They do not. And she comes back. I dial 911 only to hear them say that they have no squads in the area.. shift change. The pharmacist and I decide to give her only 12 of the 60 and send her on her way. Not even 2 minutes out of the store she calls and asks where the rest of them are. I politely tell her they'll be in the order at 10am the next morning and she can get them then.

Now we are on Day 2 of our sting operation. She shows up twice, but is extremely antsy and impatient and doesn't wait longer than 30 seconds. Police misses her both times. Today, Day 3, her boyfriend shows up. The clerk is legitimately held up by another patient as I go to the 'bat phone' once again. He grows impatient and leaves soon after. Cop shows up a minute later. And then, the geniuses they are, they park 5 squads on the corners around the store. Sure, they're gonna come in now!

Tomorrow will be Day 4 of our operation. I talked to her, once again, before I left today and she stated that she would be in sometime on Saturday. Hopefully we can nab her then.

So you see, I truly am like Batman. She shall be the seventh criminal I take off the street. Don't think they'll have a class on this stuff in pharmacy school...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

BATMAN: CAPE MY ASS...GET A BULLET PROOF VEST

Steven said...

Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you.