Thursday, May 28, 2009

I see Drug Monkey is at it again...

Someone sent me this on a message board I frequent, remind anyone else of a particular individual in the pharmacy blogging world?

SAN ANTONIO – A Northwest Side pharmacy owner fatally shot a would-be robber on Wednesday morning. That’s according to San Antonio police detectives.

The robbery suspect entered the Babcock Square Pharmacy around 9 a.m. at 5824 Babcock Rd. Inside were the owner/pharmacist, his wife, and an employee. The employee saw the man had a gun and told the pharmacist, who then pulled out his own handgun.

Seeing this, the robber reportedly responded by saying “Let’s get it on.” That’s when the owner shot him. The man died inside the business.

Let's get it on? Really? The stupid SOB was just asking to be shot in the balls after that comment.

Drug Monkey is still posting, but maybe he has internet access in his cell. Hmmmmm...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Life as a Suppository

Is there any worse existence than that of a Suppository? Seriously think about it, your three options are rectal, urethral or vaginal. And you know, since your a suppository, that you're jumping into some sort of genital/rectal warfare. Lets break it down a bit:

Rectal Suppository

Perhaps the smelliest location for suppositories, it can be guaranteed that this is a shitty existence. You would only be needed for such purposes as a shit clog (because liquid plumber doesn't work down there) or the always exhilarating inflammation of rectal veins, otherwise known as Hemorrhoids.

Seriously, how exciting is that? You're either going to be entering some place bloody and swollen or once you arrive you will be greeted with a wall of solid shit. The irony of the wall of shit situation is your job is to break down the wall of shit. Truly a splendid job.

Vaginal Suppository

Being inserted into a vagina is the goal of many beings in our world. However as a suppository, you earn this privilege at the most inopportune time. The vagina you could be entering could have an odor similar to bread. You would be blessed with fighting the most lively of all enemies, yeast.

Or perhaps there could be a vaginal infection. Honestly, is there nothing more enjoyable for a vaginal suppository than a vaginal discharge? I think not.

Urethral Suppository

Easily the tightest fitting, and most scary, suppository in existence. One could argue that it takes a man to shove a suppository up his pee hole, yet another could argue that a real man would not need such a device. Plus, when you're in the mood for.... extracurricular activities, wouldn't you think having to shove something up your one-eyed monster ruin the mood?

The next time you purchase or dispense any of these items, I ask you to think of this. The show Dirty Jobs exemplifies the jobs suppositories to. Maybe we should give them their own holiday...

Monday, May 18, 2009

Summer Vacation... Kinda

Classes ended this past Friday. Hard to believe I have only one semester of undergrad left.

The fun part is I start classes again on Monday. Yay for having two days off school! The most exciting part is I am retaking a class. Actually it is the first class I ever took in college, Gen Chem I.

See when I was a wee little college student, I was a bit on the cocky side. I know, really hard to believe. My first Chem prof made a point that no one with poor attendance had ever gotten a higher grade than a D in the course. Seeing as the never really taught and just bitched about her life, I almost never went. Yet I got mostly A's on my tests and assignments. I decided to point that out to her near the end of the semester.

And I ended up with a C- in the course. I didn't get anywhere fighting it, so I took Gen Chem II the following summer at another college.

Now I find out that several of the pharmacy schools I am applying to do not accept grades below a C.


So I am retaking the course. Never mind the fact I've gone through 300-level Chem courses, I get to retake the first one. Awesome. Plus it runs from 7:30am to 1:00pm four days a week. I'm sure you're jealous.

Aside from that I get to retake the PCAT on June 20th and get pharmacy school apps in order for August.

Oh of course I'm going to be getting married on July 25th.

It shall be a hectic summer. I did decide that I want to start running again, perhaps so I can run a half marathon next spring.

In perhaps my geekiest endeavor, I decided to jump back into sim racing again. I'm going to order iRacing tomorrow night and see how rusty I am. Now if only I could justify this for the wedding...

Done laughing yet? Good. It's not like I'm into Star Trek or anythi.... oh wait, I am. Damn, any ideas where I can order a pocket protector?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Disrespectful Much?

Any regular readers to this blog will know that the organization I work for is a bit on the... immoral side. When I first started I was repeatedly told by upper management to always remember that I was replaceable.

Now I know in our current economic situation I should be grateful for having a job, and I truly am. I know I could be making much less at a much more shitty job.

But the thing is I think I would be respected more as a person at another job.

We received a memo on Thursday from the owner. They were adjusting our paid holidays. Not a huge surprise, they mentioned they were going to do this a few months ago so we were somewhat prepared for it.

Reading a little farther, they decided to take it a step farther. Now the new non-paid holidays are Memorial Day, the Fourth of July and Labor Day. They then decided that all the stores will be open normal business hours on those days. Additionally, no one will receive holiday pay for working those days.

The kicker? It goes into affect for THIS Memorial Day. Never mind the fact that everyone had made plans for the day considering no pharmacy, at least in our chain, had ever been open on that particular day. We were told if we don't show up, you are fired.

Logically this makes no sense. I can already tell you we're going to be dead. The even more confusing part is the stores that crank out a whopping 80 Rxs on a normal day will be open too.


I take solace in the fact that I know I have less than a year to go at this place. It's just gonna be one shitty year.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My Genius Co-Workers

I have mentioned many times previously that the quality of help at the pharmacy I work out is going down faster than Paris Hilton on some rich dude. It's really rather spectacular. I have decided that none of our clerks have finished high school. Well except for the one that is currently in high school.

And that's where my story begins. See she is the daughter of one of our other 'clerks'. From what I guess she's either 16 or 17 and this is her first job. I've seen her literally sitting on the floor screaming at her mother because she wouldn't let her go to a party. Naturally our manager decided she would be an ideal employee.

I have no problem with people starting out their working careers with us. Personally I find it kinda fun as I really enjoy teaching people. Normally they start at the front counter where their biggest concern is making sure they card people who purchase cigarettes.

My manager, in a marvelous move, decided it would be best to start her immediately at the pharmacy register. It's a clusterfuck on steroids.

I've gotten to the point at my job where I don't give a rat's ass about the company. If it went belly up tomorrow, I would throw a party and dance on it's grave. I do, however, still care about the customers and serve them to the best of my abilities. But it is so goddamn fun to watch this clerk try and help them.

My prime example, and my new favorite example of this company's ineptitude, occurred just the other night.

She attempted to run an insurance card through the credit card machine... for five minutes.

Never mind the fact it is clearly just a piece of laminated paper and not made of the plastic credit cards are made of. Never mind the fact that there existed no Visa/Mastercard/Discover logo on it. Never mind the fact it did not contain a magnetic strip on the back.

It was decided by this clerk that it was obviously some form of payment and must be used in the credit card machine. Shit.

I have seen some idiotic things at work, but the vast majority of the time it comes from the customers. When I kindly pointed out that it was an insurance card, I of course also had to explain that it is not the same as a credit card.

To complete this idiotic trifecta she then asked "So does that mean he has to pay for it?"

She's being stumbling through this job long enough to know that when it says there is a price on the Rx, that means they have to pay it. Obviously this was not computing in, what some would call, her brain.

I really, really love my job.

Monday, May 11, 2009

It's offical, it's Fupa Season!

The joys of pharmacy are quite literally endless. Ironically enough they don't appear to teach these fruits in pharmacy school. Despite being locked inside a very small area in the very back of a store often far away from any sign of nature, you can easily judge what season one is in.

In pharmacy world, it is not truly summer until you see the very first summer Fupa. The Fupa is elusive in the winter months, often hibernating between layers of expansive fabric. What is a Fupa you may ask? Consult this site, but be warned it is not for the faint of heart.

I saw my first Fupa today. My it was a glorious one at that. A cream white and speckled colored, the same appearance as cottage cheese, a Fupa with an obvious growth on it is a very rare sight indeed. Perhaps the rarest Fupa of all is the legendary Fupa with a treasure highway. For these Fupa, a treasure trail just simply is not enough, but instead exists a thick, sweaty, hairy, foresty highway for all to enjoy. It is a truly glorious experience.

For the next four months us pharmacy folk will get to enjoy Fupa's of all varieties. Alas this is the time of the season when the dreaded spandex makes it's mass appearance once again. In another month's time, we will be blessed with spotting sweat stained spandex. This is truly the work of gods.

So I welcome every to summer and Fupa season. May this Fupa season be as glorious and spectacular as all Fupa seasons past!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I Just Talked to a Perfect Individual

Gentleman called a few minutes ago asking for refills on his wife's metoprolol and lisinopril. Pulling up her profile I saw she received 30 tabs (a 30 day supply) on 4/24 making her 15 days early and I relayed that information to him.

"Well you must not have given me the right amount," he insinuates.

I go through the records and check and our robot verifies that the correct quantity was given out. I then explain,

"When the prescriptions left the store they contained the correct quantity. What happened to them once they left the store though, I do not know."

"Yea well I only have three tablets left, so why didn't you give me enough of them," he enthusiastically interjects.

"Sometimes," I start explaining, "they get put in the wrong bottle or dropped or simply misplaced or they were placed in a med box. It does happen from time to time and I can get an override from your insurance, I just need to make sure you don't have them somewhere else."

How does he respond?

"Well I don't make mistakes."

Really? You're entire life you've never made a mistake? You are the only perfect being on the planet? I think that would make him Jesus actually. Perhaps he lives a world where he can ride a unicorn while chasing dragons and singing with fairies.

Understandably I had to stifle a laugh which led to a prolong silence on the phone. Breaking my calm he further states,

"Now what am I supposed to do with just two tablets for the weekend?"

My mind clicks, "Two tablets? I thought you just said you had three?"

"I'm looking at them right now, it is just two tablets."

In my best Spock voice (seeing as I just saw the movie last night), "But doesn't that mean you just made a mistake? Puzzling..."

The rest of the call resulted in him grumbling and finally conceding that he would look to see if they were elsewhere. I expect I'll get a call back in 20 minutes stating he found them in an old bottle on another shelf.

Look at it this way, I met a perfect individual today. That's a bitchin' way to start a weekend!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Balancing Act

How freakin' cool is this?

My partner-in-crime co-tech (I gotta think of a better name for him) discovered this while refilling a cell earlier. It was a Lortab 7.5 for those who are wondering (and if you can't see it check out the door near cell C-20). It's proper cell was 12 cells up, so it fell quite a ways.

Don't think I've ever seen one land so perfectly before. Is it an oman? Are we about to feel the wrath of the pharmacy Gods? Am I going to get more gray hairs? Only time shall tell...

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I Met a Deer Fucker

You remember that game you would play on long car rides when you were a kid? Mark off when you'd see a particular license plate or certain car. Can't remember the name of it for the life of me, but for the last couple weeks I've been making one related to pharmacy. Today I was able to check off one of those items.

I met a deer fucker.

And not just a regular deer fucker, a dead deer fucker.

How do you talk to such a person? Do you ask him if it had a nice rack? Or if he'd ever mount one again?

The better question, how the hell do you keep a straight face while talking to a guy you know porked a dead animal. Twice.

We all have our weird fetishes. But if you're sitting at home on a Saturday night with some Kleenex and your favorite bottle of lotion and this is what you're thinking of:

Well I'm gonna have to say somethin' just ain't right with you.

The one benefit? I can mark of something on the list few others will be able to. Booyah!