Now I understand we are one day removed from the only time period during the year when seemingly everyone in the country shits out their brain. I am referring to the masses who get up at 3am to buy a toaster for $5... the oh-so-wonderful Black Friday.
I realize it takes people a few days to recover from this spectacular day. Go ahead, take the weekend to dig your brain out of the toilet, I'm ok with that.
But if you are male, do not call the pharmacy claiming to be Jill Johnson and ask if your hydrocodones are ready.
You see here's the thing, and I know because your brain is still floating in some port-o-potty out there, but men and women generally don't sound alike on the phone. And when you have a Barry White-esq voice, as you did, I find it very hard to believe that you are in fact a female named Jill.
This is especially problematic when I know who this woman is and, unless her testicles distended this week, I am pretty sure she still sounds like a sweet young women... even though I know she's a raging meth head.
So next time, pinch your scrotum a bit and raise your voice... maybe I'll find it a tinsy bit more believable.
Tales from the trenches
11 hours ago