Thursday, July 29, 2010

Introducing Lipitor HD

It seems almost as if you can get anything in 'HD' today. Oh no, HD is not just for televisions anymore. There are HD Sunglasses, HD paint and I even saw a sticker on a mirror claiming it was HD quality.

Naturally, it would make sense for the Big Pharma to jump in on this. And why not? They pray on the lack of knowledge the public has on drugs, they might as well kick it up a notch.

I'm sure it would go something like this:

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Today Pfizer CEO Jeff Kindler announced their newest product to be offered to consumers, Lipitor HD.

"Everyone knows that Liptior will soon be going off patten. As a company that has been unable to produce an innovative drug in many years, it is imperative that we find some way to continue making money while doing as little work as possible," Kindler began.

"One of the most popular terms signifying quality and wealth is the phrase 'High-Definition' or simply 'HD'. We decided that we needed to be the first company to produce a HD drug, and thus Lipitor HD was born."

Pfizer explains that it will explain to consumers that Lipitor HD is Lipitor but at a much higher resolution. This makes it more effective because a higher resolution automatically means it works better.

"Then we decided to market it in a 10,000 µg, 20,000 µg, 40,000 µg and 80,000 µg because bigger numbers mean that Lipitor HD is more powerful than non-HD Lipitor."

It is expected that Pfizer will price Lipitor HD at a 50% markup from the current price of Lipitor.

"The increase in price is representitive of the fact that we will continue to make sure the public believes our product is vastly superior to any generic counterpart. Our motto at Pfizer is 'Money First, Brain Washing Second and Skirting Government Regulations Third."

Lipitor HD is expected to hit pharmacies nationwide in Q3 2011.

Note: Lipitor HD is a fictional product, but don't put it past Pfizer to actually attempt something like this.


Carissa said...

How about Asacol HD. It's on our shelf.

Frantic Pharmacist said...

Brilliant! Not only can they charge more for it, but (like my cable company) they can require the patient to purchase some additional device to get the bottle open! I really think you've got something here....

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Damn, that's good. Yup.